


Fully Gruntled

by SelenaTerna



Series: Random Doctor Who Ficlets [2]
Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Humor, Romance, SO MUCH SILLINESS, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, silliness, the muse made me do it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-08
Updated: 2017-03-08
Packaged: 2018-10-01 03:13:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10179404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SelenaTerna/pseuds/SelenaTerna
Summary: Rose is pursued by a determined admirer. Madness and a little lunacy ensue.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovelies! This is my response for this week's Time Petals Prompts weekly drabble prompt 'gruntled'- even though it's technically seven drabbles. Since it's longer than the usual drabbles, I thought it deserved a little home of it's own. Ahem. I got carried away...slightly. Honestly, I have no explanation for this fic. It just happened, it's ridiculous beyond the telling of it, and it also somehow has a tiny bit of sap. I have no excuse for this lunacy. Sooooo....sorry? ~Hides behind the wall~
> 
> As always, feel free to drop me questions and comments on Tumblr at http://countessselena.tumblr.com/.
> 
> Also, I'm doing a Milestone FREE FIC GIVEAWAY! Instructions are on this post. http://countessselena.tumblr.com/post/158133360842/milestone-mini-fic-giveaway.
> 
> Meantime, on with the show!

“Ah, a  _human_? I am a great scholar of Earth culture.”

Rose smiled in what she hoped was a polite manner. She wished the Doctor would hurry up with his shopping because this blue alien (a  _Polekian_ , the Doctor had said) had spotted her waiting and glommed on like Moliuan superglue.

“Your rustic species fascinates me,” he went on, “I’ve long since mastered your primitive language.”

_Rude git._

She tried not to roll her eyes. “Which one?”

“I beg your pardon?” the Polekian blinked.

“Which  _language_?” she asked, trying to sound polite. “There’s thousands of languages on earth.”

“I… had not…er, I am fluent in the  _general earth dialect_.”

“Yeah?” she mumbled, trying to suppress a snort. “Let’s hear it, then.”

“You wish to converse in… _Earth Speak_?” the alien stuttered. “But why? Your Polekian is passable and it is by far the superior language.”

She smiled tightly. Her Polekian was  _perfect_ (thank you TARDIS translation circuit), so he was just being rude. “Humour me.”

“Very well”, he sighed. “I quote the great poet, Wilhelm Shakesbard, son of Mercutio, Mighty King of Fairies.”

She inhaled and bit her lip.

Clearing his throat, the alien began speaking stiltedly in what she assumed was supposed to be English. “Sassy admiration of thee disturbs my toenails.”

 _Oh God._ The prat was trying to hit on her.

“Er, yeah, thanks, but m’ really not interested.”

However, he ignored her. “And beautitude of this deliciosity, wot, doth speak straight to my thyroid. Oh beloved sock, let me gruntle thee. Let me dedicate mine only nail-clipper to thy gruntlement.”

_Gruntle?!_

Barely keeping a straight face, she backed away. “Look, mate, thanks but ‘m  _not interested_. ‘I’ve already got a… _gruntler_ , ‘m fully  _gruntled_ , so….yeah, I’ll just...”

“Oh to gruntle thy sweet follicles.” The imbecile ignored what she’d said and moved to follow her before a hand landed heavily on his shoulder, stopping him in his tracks.

“Oi!” Came an indignant Northern voice. “The lady said no, so just you keep your  _gruntlin’_  to yourself, thanks ever so.”

“And who are  _you_?” the alien demanded in annoyance, thankfully switching back to his own language.

“I’m the Doctor, and that happens to be my wife you’re tryin’ to  _gruntle_.”

The alien flushed. “Your  _wife_?”

“His wife.” Rose glared.

The Doctor slipped an arm about her shoulders. “All right, love?” he said softly.

“’M fine,” she reassured him.

The Polekian swallowed. “I apologise if the manner of my…” he suddenly stopped dead and his eyes grew wide. “Did you say your name was the  _Doctor_?”

“That’s me.” The Doctor fixed him with a stormy, blue-eyed stare.

The alien regarded him with something akin to horror. “ _Time Lord_. The  _last_  Time Lord- the Destroyer of Worlds, the Oncoming Storm…” He then turned to Rose, his face completely ashen. “Sweet Bahuna’s Bubbly Bottom, that means that your wife…she’s…”

“Rose Tyler,” she finished, wondering who this Bahuna was.

The alien moaned and fell to his knees, trembling. “The Slayer of Plasmoids, Defeater of Daleks, Kicker of Naughty Nads! Spare me, O Rose Tyler!”

Rose turned to the Doctor. “Honestly, you kick  _one_  bloke in the bollocks and it follows you for the next four hundred years.”

“Just  _one?”_  The Doctor scoffed. “’S a few more than _that_ , love.”

She shrugged. “Alright, fine. But they deserved it. Sleazy wankers. ” She turned back to the still grovelling alien. “You want me to forgive you?”

“Spare me, O Punisher of the Perverted, I beg you!”

“Right then, from now on, when you’re tryin’ to chat someone up and they say they’re not interested, back off! Understand? No thanks means just that.”

The miserable being nodded vehemently. “Yes, Vanquisher of the Vicious! I obey!”

“Right. Off you go, then.” Turning to leave, she paused. “Oh, and honestly, I’d avoid quoting any  _Wilhelm Shakesbard_  to humans if you don’t want to look like a complete git.” She shrugged. “’S up to you though.”

The Doctor snorted. “Right. Meanwhile, I have an appointment with my wife. ‘Scuse us.”

Seizing her hand, he led her back to the TARDIS. “So, Rose Tyler,” he grinned, “Vanquisher of the Vicious, the Bad Wolf, Beloved Wife of the Doctor- reckon I could talk you into a little  _gruntling_?”

“With you?” She grinned, tongue touching her teeth. “ _Oh, yeah_.”

“Mad, you are. Still don’t know what you see in this daft old face.”

“S  _gorgeous_.” She stroked his cheek as he unlocked the door. “My Doctor _._ ”

He smiled; a soft, tender smile reserved only for her. “My Rose.” 


End file.
